


If You Fall

by idrilhadhafang



Series: The Fall of Ben Solo Side Stories [1]
Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Ben is fifteen here, Cloudwatching, Crushes, Fluff, Jedi Ben Solo, Kylo Ren Backstory, M/M, Missing Scene, Pilot Poe Dameron, Poe is eighteen, Pre-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Temporarily Unrequited Love, Young Ben Solo, Young Poe Dameron
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-03
Updated: 2018-10-03
Packaged: 2019-07-24 20:54:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16183004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilhadhafang
Summary: Ben and Poe share a moment watching the clouds on Yavin IV.





	If You Fall

**Author's Note:**

  * For [WynMir](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WynMir/gifts).



> Disclaimer: I own nothing. 
> 
> Author’s Notes: For WynMir, who has the flu. Feel better soon! The flu’s a monster. I definitely hope this is fluffy enough, really. 
> 
> Also, sorry this took so long. Was busy.

“What do you think that cloud looks like?”

The two teenagers laid back in the grass, looking up at the fluffy white clouds that practically drifted lazily in the Yavin IV skies. It was one of those times when Poe had come back from a mission for the New Republic Navy, and Ben treasured moments like these. You never knew when Poe would be called away for another mission, so you had to treasure it while it lasted. This was one of those moments. 

“I dunno.” Ben didn’t shrug; his current position lying on his back prevented him from doing something like that, but the casualness of the gesture was in his voice. “It looks a little like a krayt dragon, actually.” A pause. “You know, I’m going to miss this when you go on your next mission.”

”Thinking ahead already?” Poe turned to look at Ben, and Ben, not for the first time, couldn’t help but be struck by his beauty. The messy, curly dark hair, the bright brown eyes and almost chiseled features, his skin golden like a sun. There was a careless sort of beauty to him that Ben didn’t know if Poe was even aware of, actually; it was sort of like it radiated sunlight, blessing all it touched. 

(Poe would laugh, gently not mockingly, at that comparison. But it was hardly cheesy if it was true)

”Well, I do worry about you.” A beat. “As a friend, that is.” Ben didn’t know if the words would really come out right if he tried telling Poe the truth. It was ironic, he supposed, that he was so good at calligraphy and writing and forms of art when in fact he couldn’t vocalize his feelings for one of his best friends. 

Poe smiled. “I know. I am going to come back in one piece, Ben. I promise.”

”You usually do.” Ben paused. “Can you tell me a bit about...where you are?” 

“Well,” Poe said, “I have my own X-wing, which is nice. I’m actually kind of hoping I’m making Mama proud.”

”Tell you what. I bet she is.”

Poe smiled, but there was a tinge of sadness to it. It seemed that no matter what, his mother had a special place in his heart. Maybe she didn’t appear as a Force Ghost like Ben thought when he was ten and certain he would marry Poe when he was older, but those who loved you didn’t leave you. That was just a fact. “I hope.” A beat. “I’ve got my own droid. You’ve already met him, of course. I have my own squadmates, who I think you’ve already met.”

Ben nodded. They definitely didn’t seem to think he was weird or a freak or anything like that. They welcomed him. What a strange thing indeed, to actually feel welcome even after all this time. Ben wondered if it was possible to have more of it. 

“My room...back at the Academy, it’s kind of plain. It’s got a bed, it’s got walls, so...that’s a plus.”

”You heard it here first,” Ben said lightly, and Poe chuckled. 

“So,” he said, “What about you? How’s stuff at the Academy going?”

Ben paused. How did he explain it, really? He couldn’t say that he had many pleasant memories to draw on. His uncle was actually getting scared of him. And yet at the same time, there were good things. The friends he did have at the Academy. Holocalls with his family. Poe. 

Of course there was Poe. 

“Well,” he said, “I’ve been learning about the Force. Practicing. My uncle’s hoping I don’t fall, at least...”

”You won’t,” Poe said. “You’re a good person, Ben. You may be having struggles, but it doesn’t make you a bad person.”

”Really?”

”Truly.”

And there was something in Poe’s words where Ben could believe it. Like he wasn’t the exception, the outsider-to-all-but-some, but actually worthwhile. 

They lay in the grass together, and Ben couldn’t help but look over at Poe. Couldn’t help but really memorize him, in case something happened to him. His brown eyes, his long, somehow chiseled nose, the sculpt of his lips. The look in his eyes that made Ben’s heart race, though he could never say his feelings out loud, though he could never do them justice. It wasn’t just that Poe was beautiful, had grown into a beautiful young man, but the fact that he was kind, witty, vibrant, cheerful, a radiant sun that couldn’t help but spread his light. 

“That cloud to the right?” Poe said. “What do you think it looks like?”

”Mmmm...” Ben looked up. “Maybe an X-wing? I can imagine it going on its own adventures.” He couldn’t help but shiver a little bit — not because it was cold, but because it seemed without boundaries, without end. He could fall. Fall into those blue depths, like someone being sucked into a black hole, and never come back...

”It’s so huge,” Ben said. “Anyone could fall if they’re not careful.”

Poe smiled at him. “Don’t worry. If you fall, I’ll catch you. And I won’t let go.”

They lay there, pointing out clouds until the sun had to set. Even as Ben got up and said goodbye for now to Poe, he felt a strange sense of peace that he doubted the Light Side of the Force, the Jedi Order and their Code, could ever offer. And that he was grateful for.


End file.
